TaNkGiRly 的網路日誌

Endymion



Chapter 12



A few months later, Alex told me he was going to have a pair of artificial legs.

I knew being able to walk again would be his next goal. I wasn’t surprise about this decision at all, nor would I worry. He had achieved so much by himself, adding this on his list wouldn’t be much trouble. We anxiously discussed how it work, what kind of physio he may have to do, and how he could back to his old normal life after this. All of the sudden things had completely brighten up for him, his formal shadow self was nearly gone.

A new Alex was born.

The gossip about Alex and I eventually died down, like I predicted (well, we all had jobs to do and life did go on, no one was that bored.). My life had pretty much back to normal. These days I went to hospital, attend lectures (very well behave, I must said. Haven’t missed a single lecture so far…), went home and look after Alex. Carl and Daphne got engaged. To my huge relief and Zoë’s great disappointment, Eddie Owen started going out with a girl who was not a nurse (“Meet in the family gathering, bloody Jesus! Typical!” Zoë commented). And Zoë, after several years of singleton, she finally went out with someone and stopped harassing everyone’s love life twenty four-seven (but still paid us a surprise visit anyway).

Everything seemed happy and perfect.

There was just one…………minor problem.

Well, it was kind of……….my problem really.

How was I put this in words?

Hmm…

Ahmm.

Please promised me you wouldn’t tease me, laugh at me, or thinking I was some kind of craving pervert that you usually read from the porn magazine if I told you.

……….Alex and I…

Well, Alex and I…

Alex and I…since we’ve been together, we haven’t had sex yet.

We weren’t even sleep in the same bed, to be honest with you.

No, please don’t get me wrong. There was no problem on either Alex or me. It was just……………..

Just….

Alex didn’t think it was right to do it with me. Didn’t you think this was silly?

As the matter of fact, to prevent it all together, Alex actually asked me to sleep in the guest bedroom when I first moved in. I had to put another bed in his room at the end (just like the way it was when we were at his parents house) after insisting I need to monitor his condition from time to time. Although he kept reassuring there was absolutely nothing wrong with me, it was just him didn’t think he deserve to have someone like me, it still hurt me a great deal.

I was his girlfriend, for Chris sake.

Or was I?

Off course I told Alex I didn’t mind, I didn’t want him to feel bad about this or make him had this wrong impression that for the whole time we were together I was thinking about sex. But what kind of couple would that be if they don’t even sleep in the same bed? And you were telling me they actually love each other?

I loved Alex. Not being able to share the same bed with him and waking up in each other’s arm seriously bothering me. However, moral value and femininum pride stopped me from acting like it was a huge deal. Numerous nights I woke up with this strong craving of climbing into Alex’s bed and lying next to him, but all I could do was standing next to his bedside and watching him asleep.

I tried talk to Alex a few times about this, but they always ended up in weeping and not much progress was achieved.

Nobody on this planet would believe the closest step we had got to was cuddling and kissing.

Perhaps one of us needed to pay our hospital psychologists a visit.

Otherwise I thought I probably would go mad.



X X X X X



The night before Alex headed to the hospital to pick up his artificial legs, he clearly appeared nervous. After only half finished his dinner and stroked up a few going nowhere conversation, he decided to go to bed early. I slowly tidy up the kitchen and decided to watch a few evening dramas before headed to bed.

Ended up I felled asleep in the couch.

Those television executives should really considering what they put on the tele these days. I found in just a couple of hours there was just absolutely crap after crap after crap on every single television stations. Now why on earth do I want to know how people do if we placed them in the SAS squad? Why would someone on the planet shovel maggots or some sorts into their mouth, just for a couple of thousand dollars? Why on earth would someone be stupid enough to sweat themselves for hours for just painting their house, while they can hire someone to do them so they can sitting comfortably inside their house? What would people interest in stranded with a group of total strangers on a remote island for the possibility of just one of them would walk away with a million dollars? And could you believe there was two coppa shows in the same night?

No wonder I would fall asleep.

The television bored me to sleep.

You see, it wasn’t me getting tired at the end of the day or anything. Well…maybe slightly bit. I had just finished an assignment and a whole pile of patients’ medical records entering on that day.

But the major thing that triggered the sleep bug was the tele.

I didn’t even know why was I trying to explain this to you for.

See, I was tired.

Anyway, I was just lying there and sleep. Without dream or anything, just having a nice quiet sleep.

Then I was waking up a few hours later by someone rubbing his fingers against my lips.

I found Alex was sitting next to me, and he looked like as if he’s been sitting there for a long time.

“Sorry,” He apologised: “did I wake you?”

“No, that’s all right.” I rubbed my eyes: “What’s wrong? Can I get you anything?”

“No….”Alex looked at me, eyes reflecting streetlights outside the window.

Have I told you he had the deepest, most beautiful eyes I had ever seen? People always said eyes are windows of the souls. Alex’s soul must be a beautiful one. With his eyelashes and straight nose and…………..

Ahem.

Sorry.

“Can’t sleep?” I cupped his hands into mine. He nodded, after a few seconds hesitation.

“You shouldn’t have, Alex.” I smiled at him: “After tomorrow you will be able to walk and run again, just like you used to do.”

He nodded again.

“Well,” I gently touched his face and cheerfully said: “let me get you some hot choco milk. Perhaps that will put you to sleep easily.”

But Alex stopped me leaving the couch by holding my hands firmly.

“…………..Isabella… Do you think I am a bad person?” He asked suddenly.

“Off course you are not.” My eyes widen.

“…Not even…even when I told you I don’t want to sleep in the same bed with you?” he peeked under his long lashes, as if a boy was caught doing something naughty.

Being fronted with the most thing I’ve been wanted and dared to mention to anybody all of the sudden, I suddenly felt slightly painful and speechless. It was like as if someone just sliced open a old cuts I’ve been avoid touching for a while, and all yucky bits storming out like the river bank burst.

“…You have your reason, and I wouldn’t define you as a bad person just because of it.” I looked into his eyes for a few minutes and said, struggled a bit not to make my voice sounded wobble.

“…But you were…I was…”

I stopped him by cupping his face into my hands: “Look at my eyes, Alex. No, you are not a bad person, okay?”

He nodded. Then he quickly wrapped his hands around mine and closed his eyes, as if he was enjoying this moment (maybe he did). The streetlight outside gently carved a silver lining along his facial feature. He looked absolutely amazing, like Endymion, the love of moon goddess.

I leaned over and kissed him.

He inhaled with pleasure and wrapped his arms around me.

Like any other kiss we’ve been sharing, this one was just as equally blissful.

After a while I pulled away slightly and managed to find my voice back: “…Now let me make you some choco milk.”

But Alex’s arms were still around me. He didn’t want me to leave.

He gave me another beautiful kiss.

Then another one.

“Isabella…beautiful Isabella…” He whispered as we gently rubbed our cheek against each other: “….lord forgive me…I know I don’t deserve something like this…but I…”

“Alex?” My breath got totally disorientated. All I could think was: Oh my goodness! Please don’t let him stop, Please don’t let him stop! At any seconds now, Alex would pull himself out of this and we would have to head to our own separate bed again. Selfishly, I didn’t want him to stop.

“….Isabella…” He finally looked at me and whispered.

His eyes got lust written all over it.

“Yes?” I believe so was mine.

“I want you, my dear…” His thumb pressed my lips softly: “I want to make love with you so badly I don’t think I can hold one day’s longer anymore.”

“Huh?” I honestly couldn’t believe what I had just heard.

“I don’t want to sleep in bed alone tonight.” He kissed me again: “I want you to come with me.”

I looked at him astonishingly.

“You have every right to say no, Isabella.” His lips moved to my eardrop: “I will stop now, without question…After all, I don’t…”

I stopped Alex.

“No, you don’t have to stop.” I didn’t care if I sounded like a lust craving women. I’ve wanted to do this for quite some times now, nothing on the planet would pull me out of this: “I want to come to bed with you.”

I slowly put my arms around him, sealed his lips with mine passionately.

It had been such a pleasure kissing a fine, nice looking man like Alex, and he was kissing me back. Being in his arms, being this close with him, by risking being all romantic freak with you, I had to say every second was like in heaven.

Alex’s breath became heavy. His arms around me were tightening and he started mumbling some words that I had no idea what the hell that was. His lips moved from my lips to my forehead, tip of my nose, my cheek, my chin, my ears, and finally, he buried his head in between my head and my shoulders.

“I love you so much, Isabella.” He whispered at my ear.

“I love you, too, Alex.” I sighed with satisfactory, eyes closed.

A couple of seconds later, he pulled me away slightly and started to undress me.

This was it! A voice in my head (probably my conscience) shouted with excitement through a loudspeaker: We are going to do this tonight, right in this lodge!

Well, I didn’t care. I’ve been dreaming about this for a long time. It didn’t matter what others might think of me now. I was Alex’s girlfriend and there was absolutely nothing wrong doing this with him. I had been worried about what others think of me way to often lately, which made me almost lost Alex.

I was going to make love with him tonight.

And we were going to do it right here.

At least I didn’t think Alex was going to move to the bedroom now, the couch was pretty comfy.

When I was completely naked, Alex just stared at me without a word.

“Gosh,” he gushed: “You are beautiful, Isabella.”

“No, I am not.” I laughed lightly.

“You do, and you are even more beautiful than I imagine.” He gently untied my hair, letting my long hair down, spread all over my shoulder.

“No, I am not. It’s all your imagination!” I mumbled as he pulled me into his arms again and kissed me.

“With you right in front of me, I don’t think I am imagining things.”

We had sex in the couch.

Now, I wasn’t going to be one of those raunchy letters you could find on the porn mags. You knew, the one that gave you every graphic details of the lovemaking scene from the first bottom undone to the last drop of sweat. Oh, no! Don’t get me wrong. I loved that stuff (I was probably the one and only woman on this very planet who liked to read them). But as this was not a porn story, this was a love story. I wouldn’t think it was appropriate to give some potential underage readers such an early lesson, don’t you think? Let me just said I would have to leave you to imagine this yourself. All I could tell you was it was breathtakingly and astonishingly experience. We kissed each other every bits, I meant every bits of the body. Under his touches, I did feel absolutely beautiful and amazing.

What about his legs, you might have asked.

What legs?

Let’s just said his legs weren’t important. He was as good as those with legs.

And when I finally come, it was as if everything surrendered us had scattered into pieces, then combusted into starlight in split second. We were like floating in the deep space, with all of those stars around us. It was totally bliss.

We ended up doing it…three times that evening.

Heh, Heh.

You could hardly blame us, couldn’t you? After hold it for all these times, off course it was going to be long and explosive.

For a while after all that, we were resting in each other’s arms, sweating and puffing.

“Wow….” I said.

“Wow…” Alex said.

I gave him a glance.

“That was amazingly mind-blowing.” He gave me a kiss on my cheek.

“You reckon!”

He pulled me closer, shot his eyes, sighed with satisfactory.

“Isabella…” After a couple of minutes he said.

“Yes?”

“Do you know why I refused to sleep in the same bed with you?” He asked.

“I thought you said you were not the right man for me.”

“I still don’t think I am.”

“Why would you think that?”

“Well…isn’t this obvious? I am disable, most bits in my body……….damaged. Even the girl I was going to ask to marry me ran away from me. I was lucky enough that you loved me. But…I just don’t think I deserve to have you.”

“Why not?” I turned my head and looked at him: “I’ve already told you that…”

“I know what you have told me, ” He sit up: “I just felt very bad to have you completely.”

“Well, I am here.” I put his hand on my chest: “My heart is here. You may not notice, but…I think you’ve been having a complete me for a while.”

Alex’s reply was grabbing me back into his arms and gave me another beautiful kiss.

After some times he said: “ You know I asked you to sleep in separate room….”

“Yeah…”

“I did that because I was so worry that I may not be able to hold myself. You have no idea how much I fancy you, Isabella. Eventually you slept in the separate bed. Do you know every night I got up, stood next to you and watching you sleep for hours, fighting myself very hard not to jump into your bed?”

“You did?” Now that was surprising.

“And I knew very well when you came next to my bed to watch me sleep.” He smiled and tabbed my nose: “I had to lying there, pretended I was asleep so I could enjoy the moment when you touched me.”

“Now that was naughty!!” I laughed: “So what make you changed your mind tonight?”

“I don’t know. I woke up in the middle of the night. Well, I wasn’t sleep very well because this artificial legs thingy tomorrow anyway. I thought I might see if you were asleep. If you didn’t, I might as well having some chat with you so I wouldn’t be that nervous. Then I noticed your bed was empty. I thought: this was good! You haven’t gone to bed yet. I could come out and join you for a couple of hours. So I came outside. I found you were asleep, in the couch. I don’t know what you think but….my initial thought was that you actually went on a great length to let my having a better sleep by sleep in the couch!!”

“No, I didn’t. I….”I tried to correct him. But Alex stopped whatever I was going to say.

“I know, I saw the television was still on. I knew I should just turned around and headed back to the room, but…I don’t know. When I had a second look on you, sleeping alone in couch, and you shouldn’t be like this. You should be in someone’s arm and….well, I suppose all of the sudden my theory just began to crumble….”

“Do you know you are worry about rubbish, Alex?” After I helped Alex get back to the room and lying comfortably in bed (together in his one, off course. There was absolutely no point to sleep in separate bed now, wasn’t it?), I said to him before I fell asleep: “I believe I love you more than anything else. And I am totally committed to be with you, you know, when I said I am totally committed to be with you, I mean me as a whole and the complete you. I’ve decided to do so the minute I found out I love you. Please stop worry about you are damaged, cause you aren’t. And stop worry not deserve to have me rubbish as well, cause that can only hurt me. And I believe that will be the last thing you want, is it?”

Alex’s answered was wrapping his arms around me tighter and softly kissed me on my forehead.