TaNkGiRly 的網路日誌

Endymion





Zoë and I went for a drink that evening.

We couldn’t help ourself discussing about Alex the Endymion.

“Sad, isn’t it? A perfect life ruined out of the blue.”

“Life isn’t really fare sometimes.” I commented: “I wonder what his partner will think.”

“How do you know he has a partner?”

“A fine man like that doesn’t have the partner?” I looked at Zoë: “Are we all blind?”

We all went quite for a while.

“…….hey! Isn’t that your man Carl over there?” Zoë suddenly pointed at the direction of the door.

I turned my head around; saw Carl standing at the door entrance.

“Funny that, he said he has to work overtime today.” I murmured. Then I realised he’s not along.

He’s with someone.

I couldn’t bloody believe it.

His friend was a tall, slim, and very sweet looking brunette.

Now let me tell you, I knew I’ve been telling you Carl and I are coming to the end. But to sense this is one thing, to actually seeing this is totally different.

You know what I mean.

By the looks of it, they’ve been seeing each other for quite a long time; by the looks of it, she is that girl Carl had told me he had a crush on; by the looks of it, the relationship had been moved from “just a crush” to the next level.

I felt like being running over by a truck.

Carl obviously didn’t notice me, his attention was all on the brunette.

I waited for them to leave, and tell Zoë I am going home.

Zoë said nothing.

I walked home. Luckily the flat Carl and I shared isn’t very far away. Because judging by the amount of drink I’ve been drinking so far and the emotional state I was at the moment, I don’t think I am able to drive home safely.

I had to think about my relationship with Carl through. Looks like this end had come more quickly than I thought. There is no doubt something between us had changed, there is no way we could just talk about it and life resumed as normal like nothing had ever happened. I still love Carl, I believe so is he, and I think if one of us is breaking up with another, it will still cause a lot of damage.

What should I do? Waiting for things taking its cause? Then I probably would die of heart attack before we even get there.

This is difficult.

I arrived home and threw myself in bed. Next thing I knew was Carl’s humming voice in the kitchen. I looked at the clock.

7:00.

I couldn’t believe I actually fell asleep.

“Morning! Would you like some cereal?” Carl seems to be in a very good mood.

“Oh….okay. What time did you get home?”

“About three-ish. Seems like you got home earlier than I did. Thought you and Zoë were going for a drink?”

“We did.” I pulsed for a second, decided not to confront Carl I saw him with the brunette thing: “But I felt tired, so I decided to go home early.”

“Told you not to be Miss Softie. When is Elaine coming back anyway?” Carl scooped a full spoon of cereal into his mouth.

“This weekend.”

“Good stuff! So you don’t have to do any of her stupid shifts after that?”

“Her shift finished last night anyway.” I pulled some milk into my bowl: “The rest are all my shifts this week.”

“Sweet!”

“……Carl?”

“Yes?”

“…….How’s your crush thing with that girl going?” Couldn’t help myself to ask.

“Oh that!!” Carl threw me a wink over the table: “I asked her out about a week ago.”

I couldn’t believe he actually honesty told me!!!!!

I thought he will say something like: “Oh, nothing much happening, you know. I am too chicken to do anything” or “Nothing……can I have the cereal box please?” I couldn’t believe he would tell me without trying to hide it. Wait a minute, something truly seriously wrong with our relationship here. Carl, my boyfriend, is telling me he is going out with another girl without even lying or trying to lie?

“But you’ve known that,” some little voice inside my head told me: “you’ve known Carl had treated you more like his sister than a girlfriend. You’ve sensed this long time ago. What’s the fuss? Why are you behaving like a big drama queen?”

“But I love him.” I tried to defend: “We are still in this relationship here. Shouldn’t we do something about this one before starting another one first?”

“Oh and you can bear that?” Little evil voice fought back.

No I couldn’t.

“Really!!?” I heard myself sounds cheerful and anxious: “And what happened?”

Carl’s face turned red: “It turned out that she also fancy me for quite a while. So we decided to give it a go.”

“Far-out!!! That’s really awesome!!” I looked at the clock: “I am really happy for you………Hey! Aren’t you meant to catch 7:30’s bus to the city for a meeting? It’s 7:26 now.”

“Oh shit!!” Carl quickly finished his coffee: “Got to fly! Catch you later eh?”

“See ya!”I gave him a kiss.

As soon as his car disappeared at the end of the driveway I burst into tears. Now I’ve realised that it was Carl treat me like his sister, but I am not. I still have feelings for him. I still kind of hoped that we could just live like this forever. My love to him was still as strong as all those years ago when I met him. Now what should I do? How am I going to go through everyday watching Carl and the brunette women hanging around right in front of me?

I cried literarily whole day. By the time I turned up at the nurse station in the Hospital at 5:00, my eyes were as puff as mallowpuff.

“Jesus!!!” Zoë had a bit of a shock when she saw me: “What happened to you? Come over here you poor thing, let me get you some ice bag. If you go into a patient’s room like this, our ER department is going to exploded!!”

“Carl told me he is going out with that woman!!” I told Zoë.

“That cheeky bastard!!”

“No, Zoë! He’s not even trying to lie about it. About a week ago he told me he had a crush on one of the girl at work. So I suspected it was the girl we saw at the pub last night. When I asked him what happened to that girl this morning, he went straight to the point, telling me he is going out with her!!!!”

“Oh… but……….. I thought you’ve known that already ….have you?”

“I just realised this morning it was his love toward me had changed, but I still love him!!!” God damn it!! I started crying again.

“Oh Christ!! Come here sweetie! Give me a hug.” Zoë hug me: “I know it’s been hard. But since there is nothing we can do about it. I reckon it would be better off for you try not to think about at the moment. Now, you have job to do. Remember?”

I nodded.

“I am not gonna let you go into those patients’ room like this. There!” She passed me a stack of files: “you are going to the ICU today. Go change some medicine and have a joy ride. At least they are too weak to have a fright when they see your face.”

I tried to squeeze a smile to Zoë before I head off to the ICU. ICU isn’t much better then the ordinary room. Families and relatives of the patients were gathering here and there. Some of them were weeping in tears; some of them pacing up and down the corridor, looked frustrated; some of them just sit there, pale, with emptiness in their eyes. There were bigger worries here, compare to mine. It’s the matter of live or death. I slowly pushed the trolley, went to one room after another. Before I noticed, I was standing in front of the room of Alex the Endymion.

Like yesterday, there was no one else in the room.

I quietly pushed the trolley in.

“Hi,” I smiled at the person lying in bed, Alex the Endymion, knowing that he’s not going to heard me anyway, but there is no harm for just being polite: “I am Isabella. Your medicine nurse this evening.”

I checked the machine and medicine. All are well.

“You seem to be quite well today, my friend.” I murmured: “despite you still snuggle up in bed when you are not suppose to. There are a lot of things you will need to deal with asap. Such as your girlfriend, I assume you have one here; your career, I assume you have that one, too; your parents? I believe they are worrying sick about you.” I changed the drip: “So stop being such a slacker, eh?” I packed up my trolley: “Well, better leave you alone to think about it, should I?” I pushed the trolley towards the door, and I paused.

I think I am going let this fellow know my worry.

What’s the harm? He’s not going to tell anyone about it.

For goodness sake, he’s still asleep.

And by the looks of it, he is going to sleep for a while.

I really need someone to talk to; someone is not going to give me any opinion about it. Someone has time to listen to me.

Don’t get me wrong, Zoë is really nice. But she is a happily engaged girl (to her one and only boyfriend she’s ever had in her life), I just don’t think she will ever fully understand.

I sat on the chair next to his bed.

“You know what? I just discovered that I still love my boyfriend today.” I looked at my finger: “Isn’t that funny? I thought my feeling towards him had changed over the years, just like his. But last night when I saw him with his new date, I actually felt jealous. Now I am in a very big trouble here, I can bear the thought of breaking up with him, but I can’t stand stay and see them together. I am stuck.” I gave him a smile: “Life is ironic, isn’t it? Now you had a headache one day, went home and had a nap, ended up you are lying here with your leg chopped off. I came to New Zealand with my boyfriend, only heartbreakingly found out today his love towards me had changed from lover to a sister but I still love me as much as before. Oh well!” I stand up: “I really have to go now. Otherwise other nurses will start suspecting I am wondering off somewhere to have a break! Haha!”

I walked towards the trolley and heading towards and door: “Nice to talk to you. See you later!!”

Then I paused.

No, I am not stoped because I want to tell him more about my life.

I stopped because I hear something.

No, seriously, I could swear I heard something.

I turned my head around. Out of my shocking horror I saw Alex the Endymion’s eye wide open and looked straight at me.

Very clear, blue eyes.

And then he smiled.

“Hi, Can you tell me what am I doing in the hospital?”